Sometimes... not too often... but sometimes... I get hit with the memory of how much you meant to me, just when I thought I was finally okay with forgetting. Sometimes, I would give anything imaginable to be able to make you understand, to have one more chance to make you know how much you meant to be able to feel complete; but I smile through it all. I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we have, but I can't because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most. I want you to be happy, but how can I be happy knowing that I'm not the one making you smile? I was left in the cold by YOU, heartbroken and confused. The only words you hurt me with were the one you didn't use.
When all this LOVE stuff came to an end, I realized what I had missed; having you as a friend. I shouldn't care or wonder where and how you are, but I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart. I'm fighting back emotions that I've never fought before because I'm not supposed to love you anymore. What makes me stay when my world fall apart? What makes me try one more time when its not in my heart? At the end of the rope, when I can't find any hope, I still look at you and say I just can't walk away, tell me... WHAT MAKES ME STAY?
When you love someone, they become a part of you, maybe that's why when you lose someone, it hurts because it is like you are losing a part of you. I could fill a thousand pages telling you how I feel and you still wouldn't understand. Now I leave you without a sound, except my heart shattering as it hits the ground. I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care. I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are and what to do. I'm sorry I can't help myself.
You know, I changed. I am no longer the same person I was before. I don't know what is different but I know I am not the same and I know I will never be again. I cry because I know you don't feel the same way I do, I cry because I think of how pathetic I am, and I cry because I think I'm going to be crying forever. I always know you're gonna be with someone else, but deep inside there's a little part of me that likes to pretend that you are waiting for me. It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.
I really miss you so much. I'm always here for you.. I know you'll ne happier without me around. I'll cherish the memory that we had.
***
I made this while listening to the song "It's Over Now" by Kyla
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