Dear Joe,
My story started last 2002 but it is only now that I got courage to share my story to you and my fellow listeners.
Joe, I am a 20 year old student here in Makati. When I was in high school, I met Jerome. That was the time when my adviser got mad at me because of the accusations against me. While I am on my way home, some boys played a trick on me. They pulled my bag and then my things spread on the ground. They even tore my bag and treat it like a basketball. I cannot do anything aside from crying. Good thing, he came. He saved me from them. That night, I feel something unusual deep within inside of myself. I prayed for him that he would be okay and I wish that I could see him again.
The next day, I saw him again outside our school. I treat him in a banana cue snack and then afterwards, I asked him to join me to go to the adoration chapel just to pray. I thanked him for saving me to those naughty boys. Then he asked me “Arnel, there is something I will show to you.” I immediately said YES. Then we went there. That place was so magical. You could the gentle force of the wind gently kissing your face, the sound of the humming birds, and the breeze of the flowing water really refreshes me. Every time the school dismisses, I used to go along with him on that place. I used to do my assignments there and he assists me mostly on Physics.
One time, when we were there, he played his guitar and he played the song LOVERSMOON. As he strummed his guitar, tears fall from his eyes. I know that he has a problem that he is not telling me but I just ignored it. He saw me staring at him and he told me, “The message of the song, I mean it for you!”
One day he asked me, “Can you join in the family party on Saturday? It’s my lola’s birthday. I told them that I have a new friend and I’m going to introduce you to them.” I said yes to his invitation and I promised that I will be there on time. Saturday came and the party is already starting. He introduced me to his family. They are so happy. Then his little sister Jane approaches me and she talked to me. We talked of so many things. Later that day, Jerome asked me, “Arnel do you want to go home?” “No”, I responded. That time, I became very curious to all of his movements.
When it is time to go home, I immediately bid farewell to his relatives. I also made a promise to them that I would also be there on Christmas day if I would be available. I have noticed a light feeling that I have inside of me because they have treated me like a family. When we arrived home, I asked him to go inside first of the house and I will just change my clothes. When I go out of my room, he is gone. I saw a letter on my slippers and I read it “Arnel, I have to go. My mom is looking for me.”
The next day, I told him why he did that. The only word that he uttered is SORRY. I do not know why I felt his sincerity when he said that word that’s why I forgave him.
One day a terrible thing came to me. For me, this is the worst scenario of my life. I did not see him anymore. I usually go to our meeting place but still he is not going there. One time, I went to their house. Their neighbor told me that he is brought to the hospital because he collapsed. That night, I went immediately to the hospital where he brought. Outside the room, I saw his sister Jane. She told me that Jerome was suffering from sever headaches lately. He did not want to go to a doctor because he was afraid of knowing his true sickness was. It was the first time that Jerome collapsed.
Later, Jane told me that her brother has LEUKEMIA. He was already unconscious for three days. She asked me to go inside and told me, “Kuya Arnel, wala na tayong magagawa. Pagdasal na lang natin siya.” I even bought our favorite food which is siopao but it was too late.
When I entered the room, I saw his mother crying. Then he told me that she will go to the canteen to have a snack then afterwards, she will come back. When she left, I asked him to press my hand if he hears me. Then suddenly, he did! I told him crying, “Ang daya mo naman. Sabi mo walang sikreto, bakit nilihim mong may sakit ka?” He said, “Ayaw ko na magalala ka pa!” He asked me if he could lean on me. I grant his request so that I would not give him any hard feelings. 11:00 in the evening, the sound of the continuous beep on the ECG machine echoed as I saw him became lifeless. I cried and mourn so loudly. Suddenly, I saw a crucifix on top of his bed and I prayed, “Alam ko na naging masama akong anak sa Inyo. Pero hinihiling ko lang po sandali lang pahiram muna niya.” Then, he raised his hand and hold me to my arms. Then he whispered, “Gusto ko na magpahinga!” Even though it hurts me, I have to let him go.
Joe, Jerome was already dead. I threw the siopao that I brought and hugged him very tightly. “Jerome, sige na magpahinga ka na. Kakayanin ko sarili ko ngayong wala ka na” was all I could whisper into him in tears.
His mom told me this words in tears... "Lumayo siya dahil ayaw niyang malaman ang katotohanan tungkol sa sakit niya. Nagpunta siya sa isang lugar na walang nakakikilala sa kanya. At sa paglayo niya, ay nakilala ka niya."
His death has posed so many questions. Why did the Lord deprive him with the gift of life, when there is someone who cannot live without him? Why did he not take me instead? Why should these things happen to me? Did I do anything wrong to experience a life like this? Why Joe, is He doing this to me?
I asked the help of a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but not even the medicines, therapies and dictionaries could alleviate the pain I feel. His memories are still here… lingers in my heart.
I have been living in pain for the past 4 years and perhaps I continue to live in pain. Does God still have a plan for me when He already took the reason for my existence?
Thank you for allowing me to share my bitter story with you and your fellow listeners. Can you please play the song LOVERSMOON by Glenn Frey? It will bring back a smile on Jerome’s face wherever he may be.
ALWAYS,
Arnel
Friday, January 18, 2008
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