Art of Letting go Part 2

Sooner or later, everyone you know will disappointyou in some way. They'll?say something or fail tosay something that will hurt you. And they'll dosomething or fail to do something that will angeryou. It's inevitable.Unfortunately, you make things worse when you stewover someone's words and deeds. When you dwell on arude remark or an insensitive action made by anotherperson, you're headed for deeper problems.In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.You'll find your joy, peace and happiness slippingaway. And you'll find your productivity slowing downas you spend more and more time thinking about theslight or telling others about it. Eventually, ifyou don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.So what should you do the next time someone betraysyou? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FEELINGS. Eventhough the other person may be at fault, even though the other personwronged you, you are stillresponsible for your own feelings.In other words, other people do not "cause" yourfeelings. You choose them.For example, two different people could be told thattheir suggestions made at the staff meeting were"stupid and idiotic." One person may "choose" tofeel so hurt that he never speaks up at any othermeeting again. The other person may "choose" to feelsorry for the critic, sorry that the critic couldn'tsee the wisdom and necessity of her suggestions.As long as you blame other people for your feelings,as long as you believe other people caused yourfeelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.But if you recognize the fact that you choose yourfeelings and you are responsible for your feelings,there's hope.?You can take some time to think aboutyour feelings. And you can decide what is the bestthing to say or do.Then, you've got to learn to WALK AWAY FROMDISAPPOINTMENT.?It's difficult to do, but it'spossible. The famous 19th century Scottishhistorian, Thomas Carlyle, proved that.After working on his multi-volume set of books on"The French Revolution" for six years, Carlylecompleted the manuscript and took volume one to hisfriend John Stuart Mill. He asked Mill to read it.Five days later, Mill's maid accidentally threw themanuscript into the fire. In agony, Mill went toCarlyle's house to tell him that his work had beendestroyed.Carlyle did not flinch. With a smile, he said, "That's all right, Mill.These things happen. It is a part of life. I willstart over. I can remember most of it, I am sure.Don't worry. It's all here in my mind. Go,my friend!Do not feel bad."As Mill left, Carlyle watched him from the window.Carlyle turned to his wife and said, "I did not wanthim to see how crushed I am by this misfortune." Andwith a heavy sigh, he added, "Well the manuscript isgone, so I had better start writing again."Carlyle finally completed the work, which ranks asone of the great classics of all time. He hadlearned to walk away from his disappointment.After all, what could Carlyle have done about hisburnt manuscript?Nothing. Nothing would have resurrected themanuscript. All Carlyle could do was to get bitteror get started. And what can you do about anythingonce it is over? Not much. You can try to correct itif it is possible, or you can walk away from it ifit isn't. Those are your only two choices.Sometimes you've just got to shake it off and stepup. It's like the farmer who had an old mule whofell into a deep dry well. As he assessed thesituation, he knew it would be difficult, if notimpossible, to lift the heavy mule out of the deepwell.So the farmer decided to bury the mule in the well.After all, the mule was old and the well was dry, sohe could solve two problems at once. He could putthe old mule out of his misery and have his wellfilled.The farmer asked his neighbors to help him with theshoveling. To work they went. As they threwshovel-full of dirt after shovel-full of dirt on themule's back, the mule became frightened.Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Eachtime they would throw a shovel-full of dirt on hisback, he would shake it off and step up.Shovel-full after shovel-full, the mule would shakeit off and step up. In not too long a time, theexhausted and dirty mule stepped over the top of thewell and through the crowd.That's the same approach we all need to take. Weneed to shake it off and step up.Finally, you need to FORGIVE. It's difficult,especially when the other person doesn't deserveyour forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It'sdifficult when the other person is clearly in thewrong.Part of the difficulty comes from a commonmisunderstanding of forgiveness.Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person'sbehavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean thatthe other person is off the hook. He's stillresponsible for his misbehavior.Forgiveness is about letting yourself off theemotional hook. It's about releasing your negativeemotions, attitudes, and behaviors. It's aboutletting go of the past so you can go forward to thefuture.Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the jobis going to disappoint you. If you know how torespond to those situations, you'll be way ahead ofmost people. You'll be able to live above and beyondyour circumstances.Action:Identify two people that have disappointed, hurt, orangered you. If?possible, select two people towardswhom you still have some bitterness.Then ask yourself, "How does my bitterness serve me?Am I happier holding on to it?Do I sleep better?Is my life richer, fuller, and better because of my bitterness?"If you find that your bitterness is hurting you, make a decision.Actually decide to let it go.Walk away from the disappointment -- which means youno longer dwell on it or talk about it. Period!Or as Islam teaches us, the true believer is the one whocan forgive while she is angry.